It’s a sad fact of life that, sooner or later, someone is going to hurt you in some way. It happens to all of us. Sometimes it’s intentional, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes they know it will happen, sometimes they couldn’t have predicted it. Sometimes they say they’re sorry, sometimes they don’t. But that hurt generates a lot of negative energy that you have to deal with on your own and sometimes that can be a very difficult thing to do.
Forgiving is letting go of all emotional attachment to the incident or person that caused it. It allows you to no longer feel the pain, anger, frustration, or spitefulness you might be feeling and leads to a calm acceptance. Why is this important? Because when you have strong emotions about something, those emotions generate an energy that connects you to the subject of them. So if you’re angry at someone and never let go, you stay tied to them. And this can manifest in many ways – they may appear in your dreams occasionally, you might see things that remind you of them, you might meet people with the same name or mannerisms. This continues until your able to stop generating that tie between you two. But how can you let go?
For me, what works is to really feel the emotions and hurt thoroughly and uncensored. Really allowing myself to be angry or hurt or whatever and really acknowledging that I have the right, as a human being, to have those feelings. I acknowledge that my feelings are valid and that I’m not a bad person for feeling them. This can take as little as a couple hours or it can take days, depending on the hurt and your own willingness to fully accept your feelings.
Sometimes it helps to work my feelings out, especially if I’m feeling angry or spiteful. A good brisk walk while focusing on the incident often helps – the physical movement gives me something to do with the energy that’s being generated and allows me to release it from my body. You don’t have to walk, though – you can run, dance, punch something, work out – whatever helps you feel like you’re getting the energy out and are doing something with it. When I go for my walks, I can tell when I’ve worked the emotion out because that’s when I get tired. When I have no more energy to fuel the walk, I know I’m all done.
Talking can help, too – and that’s one of those things friends are good for. Just getting your feelings out there and being able to express them to someone who is really listening can make all the difference. This works for a lot of people because by articulating their feelings, they’re able to validate them, express them, really feel them, and realize they have the right to feel the way they do. Let me know in the comments what you do to let things go!
Forgetting is an entirely different creature, though. Just because you forgive someone (even yourself!) and let go, you don’t ever have to forget. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to allow that person the freedom to repeat their actions against you. That would be foolish. You’re still able to take whatever action you need to in order to protect yourself from repeat incidents, even if that means you won’t ever be dealing with that person again. That’s okay – just let go of the emotional attachment. Do the things that are healthiest for you and in your best interest and let the rest go.
